March 8, 2013

And then.

About a month ago I found myself at a Rehearsal Dinner for a wedding I was in. One of my dear friend's was getting married. I found myself talking to the Groom's mom, making nice small talk about my major and what I wanted to do with my life. It was nice.

Now as I look back a month later I'm pretty sure that was a conversation that is changing my life utterly and completely. And I'm absolutely terrified. I've been on the verge of tears for days. Tears of fear, tears of excitement. And I can't help but think to myself that I better start recording it because I think this may be one of the times I can look back on my life and see a crossroads. Can see how God is working and changing and completing His will. And I'm terrified.

A month ago during a nice conversation at a Rehearsal Dinner  I found out about Saving Grace in Uganda. I met one of the woman on the board and as I spoke about wanting to teach overseas and she asked if I had ever considered Africa. I answered that I had thought about third world countries but really I wanted to go to Italy. I wanted to travel and see Europe and feel fancy and cultured. I still want that some days and I can't help but hope that I have that opportunity.

But for now a short month later I'm staring a future in Uganda in the face. I'm going to Uganda this summer. I may be buying a one-way plane ticket with a return date stamped unknown. I'm absolutely terrified. And thrilled. And I have emotions all over the spectrum. I want to make a difference. I have as early as I can remember. I want to save the children and do whatever it is to help them. Now I'm staring this dream in the face in a bigger way than I ever thought possible, and quite honestly? It's scary.

I'm learning to trust God. If you had asked me up until this point if I trusted God I would have looked at  you and responded with a yes. I've trusted God this far. I've made it through college, through heartbreak, through struggle and sin. But this is different. God is leading me to go to Uganda. And you know what? He might have me stay. He is changing my definition and my view of my life. I have to let go of my idea of perfect and I really don't want to. I have always said that I don't want a normal boring life. Really I meant I wanted to travel and not go straight into settling down. But I want to get married. I want 2.5 kids and a bright kitchen, and family dinners, and soccer games. I want all of that but I want to help people too. As for now I have to trust that God is leading me to where He wants me. And if Uganda is where He wants me, I'll go.