On a Whim: Thankful for the hard stuff.

Some weeks I can look around and see all the blessings. I can understand what they are and what they mean.

Some weeks I can even see blessings even in the midst of tears and breakdowns and frustrations and emotions and God pointing out things that I'd rather Him just leave alone thankyouverymuch. Things I didn't even know where standing in the way. It leaves an open wound- and I'm left feeling completely raw. In a place that feels impossible some days.

But that hard stuff and these vulnerable moments open up something so much greater than I could have ever imagined. Not in an earthly sense; people are still people, disappointment is real. But in an everlasting sense; God is doing a new work here. In me, in Lira, in the kids I see on a daily basis. And you know what? Not everyone would see that. Some people will see only what they want to. Humans are such funny things. Some days we understand so much; other days we can't see past our own noses.

But I want to choose thanksgiving. I want to be thankful even in those moments. The moments where it's hard. Or I'm judged. Or not appreciated. Or feeling forgotten. I want to learn and grow and figure out to the best of my human ability how to make this thing called life work. And before I'm past my human point I want to reach out to Jesus and let Him draw me close and keep me going.

I'm learning that part of being human is a full time job disappointing people. It's never enough. It's never enough here or there for this person or that group. But through that I'm learning, really, truly, intimately, learning that I answer to the one that created it all. The one that is an endless fountain of grace, poise and love.

And if He's content?

Then none of the rest of it matters.